Monday, January 5, 2009

Somebody has a serious case of the Mondays!

The holidays are over and I am bummed out. The family's gone, the baby is back in Delaware, the bf is back in Atlanta and who knows when we'll see each other again, the Christmas tree and all the decorations have come down, it's all over. Well, there is a rogue wreath on the wall in the foyer that was accidentally left up and a Santa wind chime left at the top of the stairs. Then there's the Christmas tree wind chime that has been up since last used to be where the Santa one is now, but sometime in mid-July, it got moved to the pot rack that hangs over the island in the kitchen. That's a nice place for an out of season decoration, don't you think? I think that Christmas time reminds everyone of the joy that our family and friends bring to us and when we find a misplaced ornament or decoration, we can't bear to put it least in our house we can't.

I am little surprised at myself lately with the overwhelming sense of "family" I feel lately. I want to spend as much time as I can with my immediate and my extended family. I want them to know that I love them. I can't exactly say why, mainly because I don't have a reason, except that we're all getting older, and I don't' feel like I say it enough. It seems like everyone is getting sick, or their health is fading. Some are not able to care for themselves anymore and some are beginning to not be able to think for themselves anymore. Along with all the bad news, there's good news too...strong healthy babies were born this year that brought joy into our lives and make every one's day just a little bit brighter. It's gets harder to say good bye every time they leave.

I probably made one of the dumbest moves I could ever make in the history of mankind. I took a J-term class at FCC. It's a semesters worth of work jammed into two weeks in January. I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say it...I'm a fucking retard. Unfortunately, I had no choice really...well, I did, I could have taken it like 3 years ago when I started this program, but I chose to wait until the zero hour to wrap up my course work. Typical Tracy. Needless to say, I am a total stress case from now until January 16th when the final is due...and THEN, the Spring Semester starts...I'm taking my final 9 credits of course work and wait for it, wait for internship that's worth 3 credits. Oh, and get this, I have to pay to do an internship, they charge you for the least that's my understanding. wtf is that? So basically, I have to come up with $1,200, book $, I'll be going to school full time, working full time and doing some intern work as well. Someone just come in here and shoot me now. Please? Anyone? Despite all my complaining, here's the positive perspective...I'll be able to graduate. True, it's only an Associates Degree, but still, it's something. Then I can move forward with the master plan. In the end, it will all be worth it. All the hard work, late nights, $$ spent, books bought needlessly, because, I can't tell you when the last time I've actually used a the textbook for a class I've taken, and tears will be worth it. Yes, I cry over this shit. It stresses me out and I want it to be over. I want to move on with my life. It's funny, I'll be immediately enrolling in a 4 year somewhere to get my bachelors, but I just have this personal goal that I need to finish, god dammit. One last positive thing...this J-term's real estate law...I've got that shit in the bag. I've been working in real estate law in some form or another for the past 9 years. Schwing.

With that, it's late and I'm tired. My smelly dog has jumped up on the couch next to me. He's not supposed to be here, but I think he's really cute (I'm the only person that thinks so), so I'll let him stay just a few more minutes. I'll stop rambling for you Nikki, since I know you're the only one that reads this :o).


nikki said...

Hey have TWO followers of this blog. Tell Steph to get off her hiney and read it already!

steponme said...

DUDE. i read it! i read it!